So ya, somthing really funny happened yesterday. I went to my bf's apartment and didn't know that we had started dating again yet. So she was doing whatever and I went into my bf's room and we were talking and whatever. Then he started tickling me and then I heard that went into the hallway thing so I jumped up and opened the door (she was supposed to take me somewhere).
Well, somewhere in the corse of him tickling me, the button that all day had refused to stay the way it should be came undone, so I opened the door fixing the button, my hair was a mess cause he was tickling me, and he didn't have his shirt on (he answered the door without it, that WAS NOT ME). So she sees me and him all like that and gets this priceless look on her face.
Then when we got in the car she was still looking at me funky.
: What's going on with you guys?
: What do you mean?
: Where you guys fucking?

I said no of course. Way to be blunt about it lol. You know I love you, and this journal was mainly to you btw. Your face was priceless when I opened the door.

Ok, song for this journal (I think I'm gonna start doing this regularly):

All Around Me:

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire runs in through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

It's so wierd, I thought it would never happen, but it did. Me and my boyfriend who went out for 6 months, he broke up with me for a month, and now we're back together.
In a way it's wierd because I didn't think it would happen. I was trying to force myself to like other people, and told people that I had crushes on people that I didn't to convince myself it would never happen. He almost didn't say anything because he heard that I liked someone.
But it is definatly a good thing. I care about him so much, I could hardly stand not being with him. And now we're back together, and all is well.

Here's the lyrics for this journal! ^^

"This time, this place
Misused, mistakes
Too long, too late
Who was I to make you wait?
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
Cause you know
I love you
I've loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming
You'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing
If I don't see you anymore

On my knees I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
Cause with you I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all, I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
Cause you know
I love you
I've loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming
You'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing
If I don't see you anymore

But you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
I love you
I loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me,and never let me go
Keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me never let me go"

-- Far Away

Lol, cheesey, I know. But today is a lovely day! ^^

Ok, so I heard somthing today that really pissed me off. Someone walked up to me and asked me if I had cheated on my ex since the next time that most people saw me after it happened I didn't seem sad.
WELL! I did NOT cheat on him. I would have never even thought of doing that. And just because I seem chipper and in a good mood, definatly doesn't mean that I am. I'm a much better actress than people think, and except for certain special occasions, handle the way that I can make myself seem.
BUT even though I'm not happy about the break up AT ALL, I know that I need to get over it. These kind of things believe it or not are a lot easier to handle when you have experience with grief and because of it I know that no matter what, it's out of my power and nothing I can do will change this. I accept this alot easier than where I got the experience from cause I learned before the sooner you accept it, the easier it is.
The bad thing is though this break up isn't the only thing that's getting me down. There are other things going on that are bugging me. But I've realized that I need to take my own advice.
Just because things are shitty now, doesn't mean it will always be like that. Things have thier ways of working out, I just need to find a way to make it easier. I just need to figure out what I'm doing, where I'm going, and how I'm going to get there with a big smile on my face. (Even if that smile is temporarily fake.)
I know this is yet another one of these journals that has a reference to a song on it, but it fits.

"We've waited far too long to
Watch it all crash and fall through
So when you feel like shit
You've gotta keep on pushing"
-- Curses

I know I'm only 15 years old, but still that's too far in life to just give up. The great thing about being this young though is that I CAN bring things better easier. As teenagers we wallow for a bit, then bounce right back. It's what we do.
I'm signing out on a happy note, see? That was happy, right?

Once more I'll say goodbye to you
Things happen but we don't really know why
If it's supposed to be like this
Why do most of us ignore the chance to miss?
Torn apart at the seems and my dreams turn to tears
I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like me
All these things I hate revolve around me
Just back off before I snap
Once more you tell those lies to me
Why can't you just be straight up with honesty?
When you say those things in my ear
Why do you always tell me what you want to hear?
Where your heart on your sleeve make things hard to believe
I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like me
All these things I hate revolve around me
Just back off before I snap

-- Bullet For My Valentine

This song really helps describe how I'm feeling right now. More the second part than the first, but it is how I feel. If you're wondering why, my boyfriend broke up with me. When he did though, I really don't think he was telling me the whole truth.
It really hurts, so much went on after we started dating and it kinda started going to where he was pretty much all I had. He was keeping me from hitting rock bottom and then he broke up with me. I still want to be his friend, and he says that he wants to also, but I'm not sure if he's telling the truth. The way he started talking before he broke up makes me wonder...

Wow, this is the first time that I've been on DA in a LONG time. I've just been going on myspace alot and kinda forgot about this for a while. Well, I'm back!!!
So, school's going alright. I don't like it but I am still trying to prove that I can do well in school since very few people really seem to think I can't. It's not that I'm stupid people, I'm just LAZY!
Anyway, I'm in BCIS now and I have to go! It's good to be back on DA.